Your dog's ancestors were less than stellar

and your dog doesn't want you to know about it

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

You know that part of your family history you’d rather keep buried? Uncle Harold’s jail time? Aunt Evie’s collection of rubber duckies? Let’s not even talk about your Grandpa Thomas who ran off with that gypsy fortune teller.

No worries. We’ve all got relatives we’ve blotted out of the family tree. Your dog, though, has his share of dastardly relatives. In fact, I think your dog’s ancestors might have done much worse than anything your Uncle Harold pulled.

The Molossian hound of the Roman army

The Molossian hound, named by the Greeks, is a now extinct breed that was purported to weigh in at a colossal 250 lbs. Some historians believe all mastiff type breeds are descended from the mighty Molossian. Certainly they do have wide, short noses, like the mastiff and a fold of skin at the neck. Ancient texts tell us they were used as livestock guardians, but they were also involved in more nefarious labors.

Polybius, a Greek statesman and historian, circa 200 B.C. and author of the ‘histories’, a series of works that shares the rise of Rome, paints a dark picture of the Molossian hound. He writes of generals tying pots of fire to the backs of hounds and sending them to run under the bellies of the enemy cavalry horses.

Some scholars believe it was Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor and philosopher, who first used the dogs in war, dressing them in mail armour and prong collars, teaching them to attack in formation. The dogs appear in paintings of gladiator fights in the Roman arenas.

None of it was very cuddly.

Cerberus, in Greek mythology

Cerberus (Kerberos) is a mythical three-headed dog charged with guarding the underworld of Haides. Cerberus appears in several ancient texts spread out over time. He shows himself to be a monstrous many-headed dog with the tail of a serpent. Suffice it to say, he was a badass who might have taken his job a little too seriously. You might have heard the term, “hot as Hades.” It’s a nice way of saying, “it’s hot as hell.”

Explorer dogs

In the early explorer days, things were not so lap-doggish, either.

Ponce De Leon, the Spanish explorer and conquistador, used dogs to attack and eat enemies of the expeditions. Who were their enemies? Pretty much anyone they met on their travels.

Like the Molossian hounds, conquistador dogs are described in native texts as behemoths; some over two hundred pounds, wearing armour and neck plates. When the Aztecs and Incas first saw the dogs, they quickly cowed. They’d never known dogs to be so massive. They favored small lap dogs; chihuahuas and the Mexican hairless breed, known as the Xoloitzcuintli.

In defense of our four-footed couch potatoes, all of these nefarious endeavors were conceived by their human counterparts. Left to their own devices, even the mighty Molossian hound might have preferred to curl up by the fire.