Anthropomorphic

or why you pretend your dog is human.

Photo by Nail Gilfanov on Unsplash

A recent study shows that seventy-four percent of dog owners speak to their dogs as if they were human. Another twenty-six percent dress their dogs in denim jackets by day and Ninja Turtle pajamas at nighty-nite time. (This second group are my favorite peeps; they apologize for nothing.)

Okay, I made that up. There is no study that I know of. But who needs an expensive study to point out what we already know? I confess; I have looked at Arlo, my small labrador/beagle whatever cross and considered whether he’d make a good husband. He’s gentle, he washes the plates after dinner, and I sometimes catch him looking at me with the same adoration of a newsman at a Taylor Swift photo op.

Those are good qualities in a husband.

Anthropomorphism is just a fancy word for attributing human traits to non-human animals or things. Philosophers wrote extensively about it, mostly lumping it together with other human foibles. David Hume, of the 18th century, mused:

“There is a universal tendency amongst mankind to conceive all beings like themselves, and to transfer to every object those qualities, with which they are familiarly acquainted, and of which they are intimately conscious.”

I think he was a little huffy about it because he goes on to say; “we find human faces in the moon, armies in the clouds; and by a natural propensity, if not corrected by experience and reflection, ascribe malice and good-will to every thing, that hurts or pleases us.” This is true. I ascribe malice to my computer whenever it acts up.

Why do we do it?

Psychologists believe we anthropomorphize to make sense of a chaotic world. Anthropomorphizing may also fulfill a deeply-rooted need to reconnect with nature. When we place human emotions, attitudes, and values on our dogs, they seem more like us.

It requires deep pondering to understand our dog’s intentions, motivations, feelings, and state of mind. We have to slow down. We have to pay attention in order to gain admission to our dog’s inner world. I know that Arlo isn’t working out a complicated trig problem, (thank goodness), but he is thinking about something. Bones maybe, walks, naps, humans he loves. Maybe there’s even something deeper going on. We just don’t know.

There are also benefits to mankind. Scientists say that humans who anthropomorphize feel empathy towards other humans who have lifestyles or beliefs dissimilar from their own. Children often treat the family dog like a sibling and psychologists encourage this as a way to teach empathy, social connection, and compassion. It’s no secret that kids who have pets grow up to be kinder people.

Dogs benefit, too, from all that empathy and feel-good emotion. They get more hugs, kisses, and good vibes from their humans.

Is there anything bad about it?

dog thinking

Things get tricky when you expect your dog to think like a human. The logic we use doesn’t always resonate with our dogs. So when you’re rushing to get to work and your dog is taking his sweet old time to find the perfect spot to poo, it’s not helpful to shout, “don’t you know I have to go to work?!!” No, he’s just pooing. He isn’t capable of thinking about your busy schedule or whether you’ll get to work on time.

(This hasn’t stopped me from shouting- “just poo already!!!” on the days I’m going to be late.) Nevertheless, something to keep in mind.

It’s also a ginormous mistake to assume your dog’s negative behavior is because he’s jealous, resentful, or deliberately disobedient. It can be frustrating when teaching a dog a new skill like potty-training or even something fun like fetching a ball, but getting mad at him is not only counter-productive; it’s unjust. If he’s not doing what you want him to do, it’s because he doesn’t understand the instructions or he needs the right motivation. Some dogs are food motivated and others respond better to praise.

Dogs are the one domesticated animal that is most amenable to being treated like a small human. In fact, they seem to love it in a way that cats, parakeets, and horses do not. Maybe it’s because dogs are so intelligent. Studies prove that a dog’s language aptitude is that of a human toddler and perhaps this is why they love it. They understand a lot of what we say.

Film and Television

Anthropomorphism in the media is practically an epidemic. Think of Zootopia, The Lion King, and pretty much every Looney Tune ever made. Kids love animals that talk and have adventures that require courage and fortitude.

Adults are not immune. There’s a reason some of the screen writers add jokes that will fly over the tops of the kids’ heads, but make the grownups laugh out loud. Mr. Ed, a popular 1950’s series with a talking horse was a big hit with adult viewers. Guest stars were people who appealed to adults; Mae West, Clint Eastwood, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and the exercise guru Jack Lalanne all had appearances on the show. It ran for six seasons, which was a lot back then.

Then there’s the Disney movie, Homeward Bound; The Incredible Journey. Need I say more? The film boasts an 87% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The animal cast members have more screen time in this movie than the humans and, quite frankly, I don’t even remember the adult characters’ names. I do remember the animals; Shadow, Chance (he steals the show!) and Sassy, the Himalayan cat.

I cry every time I watch that last scene when Shadow, the aged Golden Retriever limps his last few feet home. I double dog dare you to watch that and not cry. It’s neuro-physiologically impossible. Seriously.

Wrapping it up (not in a blankie)

You know who you are. You say things like, “excuse me, honey”, or “do you want your nighty-nite treat?”, and “how was your day?” You probably kiss your dog on the lips, but hey, you’re in good company. You’re not all that weird. In fact, your anthropomorphism is making the world a more compassionate and happier place. So, have at it.

Has anyone seen Arlo’s Ninja Turtle jammies?